Humbled.

Over the past two years, since I have moved to North Carolina and been apart of the Emmaus School of Biblical Studies, God has done much in my heart. I have learned so many things about Him through studying and through living life that I have been transformed. My life, my views, my world has been changed. If I had to describe how I have been changed in one word it would be “humbled.” (Now I know what some of you might be thinking, someone writing about humility isn’t really the most humble thing to do. But this blog isn’t about how humble I am – because I know I still have a long way to go – it is about how great our God is.)

God, in the sweetest and most loving way possible, over the past two years has just broken me down and helped me realize that I, Todd Daniel Livingston, don’t know it all and I am not the greatest thing that has walked this earth. God has taken the things that I have tried to hold on to, things I have tried to control, things that I have not or don’t think I can trust Him with and asked me to let go and in certain situations, when I wouldn’t obey, He has taken control of them. It really has been a beautiful beat down for two years. But in the beat down, He has shown me that His Son does know it all, He is the greatest thing that has walked this earth and He has called me to act, love, think and live like Him. God has shown me that He wants me to live like His Son and if I had to describe His Son in one word it would be “humble.”

I was thinking about how to describe how this has taken place in my life and the thought that kept coming to my head was this scene from the TV show The Office. It’s a scene where Michael Scott, the boss, is saying jokes about each one of the employees and at the end of each joke he says “Boom. Roasted.” Here is a link to the video if you haven’t seen it yet. 

So if I could produce the dialogue of some of God’s humbling of myself over the past two years it might go something like this:

  *  God: “Todd you don’t want to live in Lake Lure, NC because it is small, 30 minutes from everything and you are scared you are going to be all alone?” Me: “Yep.” God: “But if you trust me it will be the best thing for our relationship and I will teach you to become the man I want you to be.” I wouldn’t trade the past two years for anything. Boom. Humbled.

  *   God: “Todd you are freaking out because you don’t want to raise support because of how everyone will look at you? You don’t want to humble yourself before those around you to ask for support?” Me: “Nailed it.” God: “If you walk this out with patience and trust, I will show you how I am the provider you need and totally transform your mindset about money. I will use those around you who love you and love Jesus to be my provision to partner with you in your ministry.” He is teaching me to trust His provision day in and day out. Boom. Humbled.

 *  God: “Todd I will let that little voice in your head continue get the better of you after you have stuck your foot in your mouth and said something stupid or something that hurt someone until you apologize and repent before them.” Me: “Yes sir.” I am thankful He has time and time again. Boom. Humbled.

 *   God: “Todd I know it’s hard for you not to try to take control of and focus on relationships, but please turn your focus to me and let my timing win out. Let me strengthen our relationship, so that you can really care for her when the time comes.” Me: “But God I really don’t want to.” God: “Please trust me.” Me: “Are you sure? Do you see how awesome she is?” God: “Do you know who you are talking to?” Me: “Ya you’re right.” He is getting His way. Boom. Humbled.

I know that my description of God in this is comical (or at least it is supposed to be) and I have described it the past two years as a beat down, but I am a guy and that is how I think. In all seriousness these are just a few of the things that God has done to show me the reality of His Son. The reality that I am far from the perfection that Jesus has, but also the reality that He wants to help me become closer and closer to that perfection. I am sorry for those that have been hurt during my humbling and I don’t think that I could apologize enough.  I am so thankful for the lessons that I have learned through having to humble myself before God and before others, because in that I am dying to my own desires which is what living out the Gospel really is.

Jesus I love you and I am thankful for the ways that you are teaching me to become more like you. Thank you for the depth of your grace and your unending love. Please continue to work in me and humble me in the areas that I need it. I want to be moldable clay and let you make me into the man you want me to be.